Thursday, 15 September 2016

NFL picks Week Two sponsored by Studio Yukupo

After the rousing success of my week one picks, going 4-1 with my Super Contest selection, I'm back to completely ruin everything and go 0-5 in week two, jsut you watch me. I was going to skip tonight's game and wait until Saturday before betting this week but then I heard that Rex Ryan is doing a reality show with his brother Rob. At that point, I knew that the shade I had thrown on the Bills in week one was 110% justified. The Jets are favored by one, it's essentially a pick 'em and pick the Jets I shall.

More picks after the jump.

Week 2
Home Team listed in CAPS
(*) = Point spread

Jets (-1) at BILLS
49ers (+13.5) at PANTHERS
Ravens (-6.5) at BROWNS
Titans (+6) at LIONS
Chiefs (+2.5) at TEXANS
Dolphins (+6.5) at PATRIOTS
Saints (+4.5) at GIANTS
Bengals (+3.5) at STEELERS
Cowboys (+2.5) at REDSKINS
Buccaneers (+6.5) at CARDINALS
Seahawks (-3.5) at RAMS
Colts (+6) at BRONCOS
Falcons (+4.5) at RAIDERS
Jaguars (+3) at CHARGERS
Packers (-2) at VIKINGS
Eagles (+3) at BEARS

I pick: Jets, 49ers, Ravens, Titans, Texans, Dolphins, Giants, Bengals, Redskins, Buccaneers, Rams, Colts, Raiders, Jaguars, Packers, Eagles

Chris picks: TBA

Super picks: Jets (-1), 49ers (+13.5), Buccaneers (+6.5), Rams (+3.5), Jaguars (+3)

I also claimed last week I would pick against the Jaguars every game they played this year but that's thrown out the window, not because they put up a fight against the Packers but really more because they are going to the most Zombiest team in the NFL, dead team walking in San Diego. They were pathetic at home last year and I don't think they will have found any more clarity this year. No Keenan Allen means even less options with which to test the suspect JAX D so I think The Jags rack up a win before their incredibly depressing and predictable mid to late season collapse.

I assume the spread is so large for the Panthers because they'll have had 10 days to prepare and the Niners are just not that good but on the other hand 13.5 points is ridiculous and I believe in post-Super Bowl loss hangovers. I also find crowing about how Kaepernick has not exploded the team despite his famewhoreing integrity and heroic sense of justice, I find all of that puzzling. He's the backup QB that is to say, he is completely fucking irrelevant to the fortunes of the team. He's Jim Sorgi in other words.

Sidebar on something else completely irrelevant that I'll just have to wedge in here because I have nowhere else to put it but one of Kaepernick's biggest ass kissers has been FS1's Nick Wright. I know him from listening to Colin Cowherd's show and I like Cowherd's show because he usually has different, interesting takes so when he introduced Nick Wright and talked him up as a hugely talented guy, I took note but he has been hanging around for a while now and I'm here to tell you he has absolutely nothing original or interesting to add to any opinion show and that is a take DJ Lazlo evidently agrees with. Listening to him is like listening to just another unhinged caller except with an even angrier voice. He accuses other pundits of dog-whistling but then parrots the pish-pash patter he absorbs from his wife and other nutty conspiracist hosts. At this point I'd like to apologize to Jorge Sedano for thinking he was a poor fill-in for Cowherd on ESPN. I clearly hadn't seen anything yet.

Back to ball. I'm a believer in Jameis Winston and the Buccs. The spread for Arizona is based on last season's performances but it's a whole new year and a whole new paradigm. 6.5 points almost feels like stealing. With the Rams getting flattened on Monday Night Football, I was hoping their spread would be a little juicier too, it's not quite as plump as I would like but I've watched the Seahawks for a long time and they always struggle against the Rams, especially early in the season. Now granted most of the time that was at the Edward Jones Dome and now we're heading back to Pete Carroll's old stomping ground but it's still a fixture that fills me with fear.

Last week:
Me: 9-7
Chris: 11-5
SC: 4-1

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