Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Gossip Girl - S5 E2 - Beauty and the Feast

Blair struggles to keep her pregnancy secret as Louis's sister Beatrice comes to visit. Charlie, a.k.a. Ivy is finding it tough to shake Serena off her tail. Nate goes cougar hunting and it's completely disturbing.

Spoilers after the jump.

Let's get that disgusting/disturbing part out of the way first so we don't have to think about it anymore. Actually, though there was a lot in this episode that was quite disturbing. Liz Hurley remains a terrible actress, and an awful fit for the show. As I inferred previously, this isn't like back when I thought Kaylee DeFer was terrible and it turned out that actually, the character was playing a part. Hurley really is that awful, and I'm not usually the kind to level that accusation at actors.

I just don't understand the storyline or why Nate is so obsessed with her. A year ago, he was still mooning over Serena. He's really a simple guy with no motivation - witness his horrible joke to the doctor who examines Chuck's injuries. His mother is pushing him to take up an internship with what sound like law firms. C'mon. There's no way he earned any of that. Nepotism, anyone? Diana Payne offers him a job at the end of the episode, one can only imagine it's to be her personal gigolo. It's a role he's familiar with and well suited for.

Chuck is found using Gossip Girl's "Spotted" map. I wonder, is there any such thing that's actually feasible or realistic? How creepy it is in any case. Chuck's darkness has swallowed him whole, now paying people to beat him in a bizarre attempt to feel something, anything. The answers are not there for him, and it's unclear what the key to unlock them would be. Being named as the father of Blair's baby would likely be it, but I'm hoping otherwise as that would be far too predictable.

Speaking of Blair, what a horrible mess she's already in. It looks like termination is off the table, never to even be discussed, as it rarely ever is. Louis's sister Beatrice who I think may have been on the show before, in an unremarkable performance mistakes Blair's morning sickness as bulimia which of course was a past affliction. This leads to an oddly sexual scene where Beatrice force-feeds Blair some rich-person appetizer joping to catch her throwing it up later.

How Dan got into that particular party of the week thrown by royalty no less os unclear; Beatrice later claims that Blair suggested opening the doors to the homeless for a charity feed (a horrible idea by the way, not 'wonderful' as Louis exclaims); perhaps Dan was mistaken for a vagrant? He does a terrible job of bodyguarding Blair while she is sick in the toilet and Bea walks in on the awful truth. There was a lot of that very inconvenient bumping into people at the exact wrong moment this week.Yeah, it's TV land but at some point it's a really weak crutch to keep falling back on.

Blair decides that she can open up to Dan and confide in him. The way she talks, it seems she does not suspect him of being the father which is a shame because he was such a natural when he thought he was Milo's father. Overall, he seems to be getting rather too close to her once again though. That can't end well, particularly with Bea plotting to usurp the throne. As she reveals her plan in the limo and starts kissing the priest who will marry off Louis and Blair, I thought, "Seriously!?" But then again, that's what's great about this show - it's crazy, over the top and it makes no sense!

Speaking of nonsensical, out in LA Ivy is desperate to escape Serena without blowing her cover but just gets pulled down deeper and deeper much like Blair. She does her best, sporting a gross fake tan and submarining every apartment viewing Serena drags her along to but up in Cloud Cuckoo Land, Serena has already surmised an oddly reasonable explanation for 'Charlie's' odd behavior - Clearly, she was cut off by her mother after running away from Florida.

Ultimately, Ivy decides to become Charlie once more, seduced by the money and hi-life. Serena plans to take her back to NYC, it actually feels like she thinks of Charlie as one of those handbag dogs for some reason. The writers have been doing their best to try and provide statistics portraying Serena as intelligent and hard-working, but it struck me that Serena was out apartment-hunting in LA before confirming with her boss where she would actually be working - not in LA at all as it turns out, but rather back home in New York. D'oh.

As long as we disregard anything involving Nate, this was a fun episode - very funny. I'm not sure I like the direction the story is headed but for this week, it was fine, much like the Detroit Lions - you know that all these 20 point deficits they keep finding themselves in aren't a good sign for the future, but it sure is fun watching them mount a furious comeback right now.

"Gossip Girl" airs Mondays on the CW at 8:00pm EST

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